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[ alisaie cannot recall when last she slept.

how could she? how can she rest, now, when everything, everything is on the line? when her own mistakes and stumbles and shortcomings have helped to lead to this culmination, when she feels as an ant scurrying beneath a great boot that is bearing down upon her? no matter how exhausted she might feel, no matter how weary her bones or heavy her head, alisaie could not sleep even if she wanted to; were she to lie down she would do little more than stare at the ceiling above her, and honestly, she is afraid of what she will do if her mind is quiet and her space is free.

she cannot allow herself to break. she cannot allow herself to weep. not now. the very world is at stake, not only this one, but her home, as well - if they do not sort this out, and quickly, everything she has spent this year fighting tirelessly for will be for naught, and that is a thought that alisaie cannot bear. already she feels useless, never good enough, never smart enough, never strong enough, and even now she is desperate to prove not only to others but to herself that she has worth. that she can make some small difference, even in the shadow of greater, stronger heroes. she cannot let down the first, she cannot let down tesleen, she cannot fail vaeri. her most of all.

but has she not failed her already? tirelessly they have searched for an answer, for a way to cure what ails her, to be rid of the godsawful light that has scoured this star and the people on it. sleeplessly they search, but every one of them has come up empty handed. how can alisaie face her, when she wakes up? how can she look into vaeri's eyes and tell her that she has failed her? that she is as useless as she has ever been? that when she is needed most she can do.. nothing?

gods, why is it always the way? why can she never help those who need her? is she even needed at all?

the days pass in a painful blur, until the moment comes at last when she finds vaeri's bed empty.

it is not so difficult to track her down. her face is well known by now, and alisaie follows her trail, one step behind, and it is easy to come to the ineffable conclusion - she plans to leave. like the damned fool exarch before her she plans to strike out alone, to take whatever measures she must, and for the briefest, most terrible moments, alisaie nearly thinks to allow it. why should vaeri wait for them? for her? what could alisaie have to offer, now that she's proven she has nothing to give? what right does she have to stand by her?

but no. she has watched her brother suffer. she has watched urianger, and thancred, ryne and y'shtola - all of them are breaking their backs to find a cure, for years they have been breaking their backs to forestall the calamity, to save her life - they have worked so hard, suffered so much. and so her despair, as it so often does, turns to a quiet, burning fury.

alisaie returns to the pendants, and she does not offer the courtesy of a knock - the door creaks open and, to no surprise at all, vaeri is here in her quarters, preparing to leave without having contacted a single one of them. tense, her throat tight, alisaie flicks her eyes toward her, watching her carefully, while occupying the doorway unflinchingly. ]

Going somewhere?

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[If Alisaie cannot see the strength she possesses, Vaeri certainly can. It was not Vaeri who vowed to keep fighting despite the odds merely minutes ago; it was not Vaeri who supported her brother bodily at times; it was not Vaeri who stood in the face of everything in the deepest coils of Bahamut's resting place and held it back with a barrier. Vaeri was a field medic forced to be a fighter, always the one forced to run to fight the bigger boss rather than stay behind and shield others like she wanted to. To Vaeri, it takes an impossible amount of strength to volunteer first, to be that brave. To stand in the face of impossible odds and not falter, even though one might not see tomorrow.

Alisaie did that without question even if the uncertainty fluttered in her breast at times. She was so, so brave... Vaeri always felt like she was only doing what she could, never brave at all, and merely trying to live up to expectations.]

Only you.

[She's relieved to finally say it, a burden lifted like armor from her chest. She smiles faintly against Alisaie's lips, even daring to lick them for a moment-- and then there is pressure against the lace, a thumb slipping within, and Vaeri breathes a soft sigh.]

Hah... r-really? You are... more patient than you give yourself credit for. [It's hard to keep her tone even with Alisaie dipping so close to where she wants to be touched the most. She presses a soft, feathery kiss to the corner of the other's mouth. And she strokes a cute pointed ear again, taking special care to caress the edges with a pink nail; her other hand slides down Alisaie's neck, to her collarbone, and finally begins to learn the shape of her breast with fingertips and light nails around her nips.]

[ so many things are happening at once. only you, vaeri says, unbelievable words that she can hardly even begin to internalize - but her hands move as well, smoothing over her breast, her sensitive ear, and all the while alisaie is touching her, at last, right where they are both most hungry for.

her head is spinning.

but she falters only for a moment. exhaling a rattling breath, alisaie dips her head to touch his brow to vaeri's, her eyes falling closed and her heart in her throat. her hand moves carefully, but with purpose, feeling her shape, dipping against her. gods, she is slick as sin already, impossibly hot to the touch, warm and silken and wet. ]

You're perfect.

[ she murmurs, unable to manage anything else - she's too distracted, too caught up, consumed, but mostly keen to make her happy, to give her pleasure. after a few seconds of orienting herself, her fingertips drag gently, softly against the bud of her clit, tracing it, rolling against it, seeking those needy, desperate sounds. ]

[Vaeri feels a part of her absolutely melt when Alisaie touches their brows together. She lingers there, her breath coming in time for just a few moments, heartbeats twinning, too. This is the closest she has ever been with anyone, and there isn't a single person she would love more...

She smiles against Alisaie's cheek and moves her head just enough to kiss the corner of her mouth, her own breath somewhat hesitant as she feels the fingertips learning her shape.]

You are so very sweet...

[She isn't perfect, not at all, not even close. She's a disaster, she was trying to leave alone earlier, she... But Alisaie forgives her all (maybe), and she can't pull away and doesn't want to. If this is part of the fate that has been decided on, then she'll rise to meet it and live and love as much as she can before the reaper comes.

At last, long last, Alisaie tentatively begins to explore and Vaeri is aware of two things: one, that she wants much more than just touching all of a sudden, and two, that she hasn't kissed Alisaie nearly enough. She cries out softly, witheringly, and presses her hips into that hand with eagerness. She isn't sure she can manage a kiss so she murmurs her sweet nothings against strawberry lips.]

A—Alisaie, ohhh, please...

[She sucks in a breath and shivers. Right, she has hands. She draws her nails up and down the Elezen's spine lightly, not wanting to truly hurt her, while continuing to stroke her ear with the other. Judging by the wriggling, Vaeri likes pressure around the rose more than directly against the nerve. Friction. Friction is good.]

[ those sounds, her name called like that, needy and desperate and wanting - it shoots a bolt of heat right to her loins, dragging a low, rough purr against the back of her tongue.

with her nerves burned away, her fear banished in the moment, in the aching pain and desire and desperation, alisaie has nothing left to fear. nothing to hold her back. alisaie has never quite commanded dominance over words and speech like the rest of her family and friends, but in its place she is fluent in another language - the physical, touch and taste and sound and movement. her body is a well oiled machine that she works to hone further every day, and it speaks well with other bodies, it knows the dance, how to move in space, how to interact with another. alisaie can read body language as easily as words on a page, and vaeri tells her everything she needs to know with the way she wriggles and shifts, with the way her breath lilts and her hands grip. it is a game of hot and cold to find what she likes, to discover what is only lukewarm, and what drives her wild.

it's easy. vaeri is an open book.

so it is not long before alisaie's fingers are moving with self assured confidence, learning every curve and dip and gods she's so wet, so slippery, everything yielding so sweetly beneath her touch. alisaie is no better, the ache between her thighs is maddening, and it isn't long before she's astride vaeri's thigh, grinding hard to find the friction she matches with her touch, the thin cotton of her damp smallclothes feels an impossible barrier, frustrating and cumbersome.

but right now, this is about vaeri, and the rock of her hips sates her for the moment. after too many long minutes spent teasing, tracing, learning, at last her slim fingers dip carefully, gently in - slowly, restrained. vaeri has told her in so many words that she has never been touched before, and while she might very well have spent plenty of time learning herself in the past (gods, alisaie must banish that thought, for fear she finishes here and now), she must operate on the assumption that she hasn't and treat her body delicately. she's slick as sin and the way is easy, but nevertheless, the last thing she wants is to hurt her. alisaie's voice is rough, husky, but she manages to find her words. ]

Tell me if I hurt you.

[It's perfect.

Tomorrow, Vaeri may be staring down her death. The world could tumble into calamity, the Ascians could win-- hell, the world could end completely unprophesied, like whatever made the original Ascians so desperate to summon their god. But right here, right now, this is all that matters to Vaeri: the tempo of Alisaie's breaths, her damp apex slipping over her thigh, and gorgeous blue eyes framed by silvery waves. It's perfect and gentle and accidental in the way life is and-- gods, she promised not to leave Alisaie alone, she can't do so now.

This moment is perfect, and she would do a lot to make it last forever.

She lets out a soft, shaky breath and tilts her head back slightly as Alisaie explores the depth of her heat so tentatively. She wants more and tilts her hips into it; as the Elezen dips in deeper, Vaeri clutches about those fingers and keens. She draws her fingers thickly through Alisaie's waves, root to tip, until she winds her fingers in and grips a bit more convincingly-- as if to say don't you stop.

It's not something she's used to, but her instinct is to want to ride the hell out of whatever her lover has to offer. She has certainly read a few things in her time to know how this goes. Vaeri wants to lose herself in everything Alisaie until she forgets her own name, until Alisaie falls with her too.]

I am not sure you can, [Vaeri breathes shakily.] Everything feels good with you-- e-even the things that should hurt.