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[ alisaie cannot recall when last she slept.
how could she? how can she rest, now, when everything, everything is on the line? when her own mistakes and stumbles and shortcomings have helped to lead to this culmination, when she feels as an ant scurrying beneath a great boot that is bearing down upon her? no matter how exhausted she might feel, no matter how weary her bones or heavy her head, alisaie could not sleep even if she wanted to; were she to lie down she would do little more than stare at the ceiling above her, and honestly, she is afraid of what she will do if her mind is quiet and her space is free.
she cannot allow herself to break. she cannot allow herself to weep. not now. the very world is at stake, not only this one, but her home, as well - if they do not sort this out, and quickly, everything she has spent this year fighting tirelessly for will be for naught, and that is a thought that alisaie cannot bear. already she feels useless, never good enough, never smart enough, never strong enough, and even now she is desperate to prove not only to others but to herself that she has worth. that she can make some small difference, even in the shadow of greater, stronger heroes. she cannot let down the first, she cannot let down tesleen, she cannot fail vaeri. her most of all.
but has she not failed her already? tirelessly they have searched for an answer, for a way to cure what ails her, to be rid of the godsawful light that has scoured this star and the people on it. sleeplessly they search, but every one of them has come up empty handed. how can alisaie face her, when she wakes up? how can she look into vaeri's eyes and tell her that she has failed her? that she is as useless as she has ever been? that when she is needed most she can do.. nothing?
gods, why is it always the way? why can she never help those who need her? is she even needed at all?
the days pass in a painful blur, until the moment comes at last when she finds vaeri's bed empty.
it is not so difficult to track her down. her face is well known by now, and alisaie follows her trail, one step behind, and it is easy to come to the ineffable conclusion - she plans to leave. like the damned fool exarch before her she plans to strike out alone, to take whatever measures she must, and for the briefest, most terrible moments, alisaie nearly thinks to allow it. why should vaeri wait for them? for her? what could alisaie have to offer, now that she's proven she has nothing to give? what right does she have to stand by her?
but no. she has watched her brother suffer. she has watched urianger, and thancred, ryne and y'shtola - all of them are breaking their backs to find a cure, for years they have been breaking their backs to forestall the calamity, to save her life - they have worked so hard, suffered so much. and so her despair, as it so often does, turns to a quiet, burning fury.
alisaie returns to the pendants, and she does not offer the courtesy of a knock - the door creaks open and, to no surprise at all, vaeri is here in her quarters, preparing to leave without having contacted a single one of them. tense, her throat tight, alisaie flicks her eyes toward her, watching her carefully, while occupying the doorway unflinchingly. ]
Going somewhere?

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this moment is natural. simple.
when the kiss breaks alisaie's lips still follow instinctively, her chin tilted to move in her wake so that she can feel vaeri's words against her mouth, heavy though they are. alisaie's answer is easy, instant. ]
I'm not going anywhere.
[ she murmurs, straightforward and honest, while her hands loosen their grip on vaeri's dress just enough to smooth down her back, over her sides - there's a surprisingly easy confidence in her movements, but then, alisaie is not wont to do things by half. once she bends her mind to a task she approaches it without fear or hesitation, even if her fingers still tremble. ]
I am here.
[ and gods, for as fearful as she had been to lose her only moments ago, alisaie is desperate for the closeness, already pressing near again, her face buried to vaeri's neck, her mouth dragging against soft skin and rough scales. ]
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I'm not going anywhere.
Even after everything that was said and Vaeri's cracks beginning to show, Alisaie is still here, still fighting, still full of such love and kindness that it begs Vaeri to break even more. But she won't-- because as much as Alisaie might have been the initial reason the dam burst, it's also her hands that keep Vaeri whole. She breathes in shakily, lets Alisaie feel her breath as much as she likes; she can't help but follow as if pulled along on an invisible string.
For the first time, she willingly yields beneath someone's hands. It's something noticeable in the curve of the small of her back, the way her shoulders relax, how she arches between Alisaie's fingertips and her body and wishes for them to reshape her into something recognizable. She wants to curl around Alisaie like a cat and tuck into her warmth, but her hands roaming over the Elezen's back will just have to do. She rubs into the angles of Alisaie's back hidden beneath her jacket, draws her nails upward, prays that's something she likes. They will-- they'll figure this out together. No one is going anywhere.
Vaeri makes a soft whimper she's never made before when lips find her neck, and it's accompanied by an undeniable shudder. She misses the kiss, but this, this is--]
Ah—
[She blushes all the way down to her collarbone. Vaeri has a surprising degree of curves beneath these robes but no one has ever appreciated them. Not like this, and certainly not accompanied by kisses to her sensitive neck. She feels as if she might drown and she wonders if Alisaie feels the same way. All the better, then, to slip a hand between them and undo the clasp of the jacket at Alisaie's breast.]
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she had not expected this, would never have demanded it, but the moment guides them both and to say that she is not ready or willing would be a bare-faced lie. she has been ready for a long time. she is willing now.
with a hard, trembling exhale alisaie lifts her hands to assist, making quick work of the complicated clasp that holds her jacket on, and shrugging it off. she loosens the lacings to her tunic after, but she has only so much patience, and she soon cannot help but surge forward again, finding vaeri's mouth with her own again to swallow up those sweet, soft sounds she makes.
it's dizzying, and while her heart still pulses painfully, her body weak and weary, it is all of it smoothed and calmed by the smell of vaeri's skin, the sweet taste of her mouth like a soothing balm, the softness of her body beneath too much fabric a wonderful distraction. it would be a lie to say she has not thought of this, has not imagined it on sleepless nights, but no fever dream can compare to the real solidity of her body, the scent of her, and the sweet, irresistible feeling of being.. wanted. needed. even the simple drag of vaeri's hands against her back is exquisite.
none of it is quite so sweet as to distract her from her task, however, and alisaie's hands move boldly, searching her back for any clasps or ties to her dress - why do healers insist on wearing such goddamned complicated clothing? ]
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Vaeri relaxes a fraction as she's kissed again, losing a soft groan and then another. Her sadness has been shoved aside by this more desperate need to be possessed. She wants those trembling fingers all over her, wants to be covered by Alisaie's warmth in more ways than she dared imagine before this moment.
She leans into those touches out of instinct. There's a fairly obvious ribbon in the back of her dress that catches on Alisaie's fingers. Once Vaeri realizes that's what she's going for, she helps by unlatching her own light shoulder armor and tossing it aside. Beneath her top is a proper white bustier and a long red camisole, and then beneath those is a feast of floral lace. To say nothing of her thrice-layered skirt, but that's something Alisaie will need a minute to deal with. There are belts involved.
While Alisaie is dealing with that, Vaeri gets a little more adventurous. She works at the lacings of the other girl's tunic to finish it up. And then-- then she takes a moment to simply suck on Alisaie's bottom lip, marveling at the taste. It's... sweet. Like her, and her penchant for cookies that Vaeri still hasn't figured out how to make without burning.]
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Gods -
[ she breathes, and were her cheeks not already flushed they would be redder still. alisaie takes a moment to simply.. appreciate her, the shape of her body, the way the light plays off of her skin, the splay of soft, delicate lace. ]
You're -
[ she starts, her breath hitched, her dark eyes hooded when she lifts them to vaeri's face again. her heart is pounding in her throat. ]
You're beautiful.
[ alisaie's voice is a husky whisper against vaeri's mouth, her hands more sure now, trembling less as they glide along vaeri's sides, feeling the heat of her skin beneath the too-thin veneer of lace. but she has to pull them back long enough to wrench her doublet carelessly over her head and casting it aside, while in the same movement urging her back, back toward the bed behind them. ]
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She has scars, too, though nothing that she feels embarrassed about. What flusters her the most is, perhaps, that stammered remark. Vaeri sucks in a breath and threatens to tear up again. She's never been called beautiful, not like this... She was usually fearsome and intimidating, giving strength to the mask she had to wear as their Warrior of Light. But right now, she's just a Raen girl struggling to find herself-- a sea-dragon out of water.
And right into the arms of an Elezen warrior maiden.
She isn't too shy to look at Alisaie when she tosses off her doublet. Goodness, goodness, was Alisaie always this... built? At some point they all grew up and Vaeri barely noticed. But she remembers the first time she looked at Alisaie and really saw her, a picture perfect moment surrounded by sweet flowers growing just outside the ravaged area where part of the moon fell. Vaeri had been so tired and lost with those events, but that adventure had offered peace for the twins at last... Vaeri finally felt like she'd helped someone, like a true healer ought to be.]
You're beautiful too, [she murmurs.] Always so dashing...
[Her legs find the bed first. She falls back and tries to take Alisaie with her, delicate fingertips reaching for her cheeks. She wants to kiss her prince a little while longer.]
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[ they fold onto the bed, and alisaie cannot help her weary smile - she's certainly never been called anything like that before, and she'd certainly never refer to herself as such, but when it comes from vaeri's lips she cannot help but feel.. warmed by it. alisaie has never put much stock in faerie tales or princes saving damsels in distress, but mayhaps this once.. ]
I've heard no such thing before.
[ she murmurs through a low, soft, tired laugh, but soon enough vaeri is pulling her in for another kiss, and who is alisaie to deny her? her eyes close and she sinks against vaeri's body, dipping her tongue into her mouth to taste her again, breathing a low, soft sound against her lips. she tastes sweet, she feels warm and wet and soft, and she might be new to kissing but she is learning quickly enough to satisfy alisaie - she falls into it easily.
but she's still greedy, still sharp and stinging with emotion and need and the fear that vaeri will disappear right from under her. her hands are moving - gently, but with firm purpose, gliding down her sides again and then at last her index finger fits beneath the lacy bodice vaeri still wears, carefully working free one of the snaps - though she hesitates a moment, breaking the kiss to look into her eyes. alisaie tends to get ahead of herself, she sees red, barrels forward, but still she.. she needs to be sure. ]
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She can't help the way she breathes in shakily when Alisaie's hands learn her curves, and she wouldn't want to change it anyway. She arches into those hands, lets free a soft groan and another. Vaeri's own pale hands work at the strong shoulders of her partner, a healer's touch letting her find any knots easily and trace the curves of her muscles with pink nails. There's a shiver, visible gooseflesh appearing on her arms, when Alisaie finds the snaps. Vaeri hesitates only because she's wondering why Alisaie stopped. Light-rimmed blue eyes stare right back, crystal clear and sure.]
Alisaie, [she murmurs, eyes slipping to Alisaie's lips. She's distracted, but can she really be blamed here? The girl is gorgeous. Vaeri keeps getting pulled into her gravity.] Show me. I want to learn, I—I want to feel you...
[She wants to run her hands through that fluffy silver hair, too, but she's not sure how sensitive Alisaie is about it. She tries scritching over her head and past her ears first.]
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alisaie smiles almost tremulously. she's.. nervous. mayhaps not so nervous as vaeri, but still her heart flutters and her blood sings. there is so much riding on this, and yet.. still it feels right, and good, and it is all she wants in the world.
the fingers in her hair earn a soft sound that rolls in her throat like a purr, and alisaie's eyes fall briefly shut, her face turned to vaeri's warm palm; the brush over the delicate, sensitive skin of her long ear is particularly enjoyable, even the briefest touch earning a shiver down her spine. ]
.. as you say.
[ it is all the permission she needs. alisaie unfastens the bodice, hook by hook, until the lace gives way and tumbles free, baring her breasts, and miles and miles of soft skin and pale scales. without wasting even a moment alisaie dips her head again, drawing her mouth over vaeri's collar and down, down against the swell of her full breasts, both hands moving over her sides, counting the frets of her ribs. ]
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She rises into Alisaie's hands, a little more of herself free with every snap of a hook. She gasps as soft strawberry lips learn the lines of her throat and arches into those too, tilting her head back and breathing only one name:]
Alisaie...
[She breathes in with a shiver and curls her toes into the sheets, the points of her breasts already prickling from Alisaie's little touches. Vaeri takes advantage of her position to free Alisaie's hair from its confines but she's careful to place the barrette on the side table so it doesn't get lost. She wraps the red ribbon around her own wrist for safekeeping, and maybe because she wants to have some part of Alisaie wrapped around her at all times.
Once her hair is down, she strokes Alisaie's ears with her thumbs, tracing them to the points, while her slender fingers sink into the silvery waves for play.]
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it would be a lie to say that she has not thought about it, that she has not thought about this, about how vaeri's skin would feel under her hands and mouth, how it would sound to hear her name called that way, thick with want and need - she never could have expected it, never could have believed that it would happen. it may only be this once. it most likely will only be this once. but she will cherish this time, this memory, and hold it close to her mind and her heart.
a low groan rumbles in her throat, and against vaeri's skin, her mouth opening greedy and hot over her breast, a shudder like a crack of lightning down her spine. everyone enjoys their head being scratched, but alisaie's long elezen ears are especially delicate, and that soft, teasing touch shoots bolts of heat between her thighs, gooseflesh rising on her arms and shoulders, urging her to ease her body downward, to slip her hips between vaeri's thighs and roll, seeking that sweet, irresistible friction. ]
That's..
[ nice, she wants to say, but her mouth is too busy, her teeth dragging over the rosy nub taut beneath her tongue. bold and forward as ever she is, alisaie slips a hand between them, her knuckles grazing the hot, silken skin of vaeri's inner thigh, but here she hesitates again. this, at least, this.. final barrier - however natural and easy this might feel, she still must ask. lifting her head, hair wild and dark pupils blown wide, alisaie carefully drags her knuckles along the seam of vaeri's thigh, so very close to that desperate, tempting heat, while searching her face. ]
Is this.. all right?
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She strokes Alisaie's ears from base to tip with delicate fingers, and then with nails, and she alternates that with the same nails sinking deep into her hair to scritch her roots. It's a slow and luxurious motion and one she'd like to repeat with, say, conditioner in a hot bath, but that might (will) come later.
Her ministrations pause when she feels teeth against her nips. The reaction is immediate, a lusty gasp that tears out of her throat and with it a wave of blushing past her shoulders. Yet it's Alisaie's tentative exploratory touches that convince Vaeri to still, not wanting to ruin this moment by any means. She tries to spread her legs despite their position, a more instinctive thing than anything else, and nearly misses the question.
She's never felt her breath come so quick until her steadfast companion touched her. She feels so alive and free and there's no pain at all, nothing...
Why did Vaeri wait this long?]
I... I have been ready for longer than I care to admit.
[Only a scant few years separate them. She should have said something then, on the cart-- she should have been friends from the beginning. Time wasted, now. Time she can never get back. She caresses Alisaie's jawline, tracing the softness of it, the hidden strength of her chin. She draws her fingertips over Alisaie's mouth with determined gentleness to memorize her Cupid's bow, a loving cartographer with healing hands.]
I could have kissed you so many times... You're so beautiful, Alisaie.
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.. me?
[ she's admittedly come a far way in learning to recognize her strengths and respect herself, but she has quite a long ways to go, still. alisaie was naturally disinclined to cohabitate well with others even as a child, and her upbringing as a noble girl in an environment that did not foster her personality did little to instill her with pride or self assurance. she has always been the second, always struggled to feel relevant, to feel that she has any worth at all, and that struggle spanned her young years and continues to this day. she must fight to think herself of value, and even then, it is a thin veneer - beneath it, she does not believe her own bravado, nor the words she must tell herself to get by.
alisaie is weak, surrounded by the strong, by heroes and archons, geniuses, following in the enormous footsteps of louisoix, walking a path beside the warrior of light. again and again she has been tested and found wanting, lacking, again and again she has failed to save those in need, to be strong enough, fast enough, smart enough. gods, what could vaeri see in her? how could she ever be worth anything beyond - beyond this, a quick tryst spawned by a painful moment of vulnerability? they are both broken, aching, in need. that vaeri could claim to have desired this long before this moment..
it beggars belief.
alisaie's gaze drops, her eyes falling closed, and she dips her head to nudge her nose gently alongside vaeri's, breathing in the soft scent of her skin. ]
How foolish. Anything I am pales in comparison with you.
[ she murmurs, dragging her mouth over vaeri's, breathing the words against her lips, while at last her hand moves again, knuckles dragging against the irresistibly thin lace of her panties - gods, even through them she feels so hot, damp, tempting. her thumb glides, learning the shape of her through the lace, before at last dipping beneath the thin waistband. ]
I have wanted you for as long as I can remember.
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Alisaie did that without question even if the uncertainty fluttered in her breast at times. She was so, so brave... Vaeri always felt like she was only doing what she could, never brave at all, and merely trying to live up to expectations.]
Only you.
[She's relieved to finally say it, a burden lifted like armor from her chest. She smiles faintly against Alisaie's lips, even daring to lick them for a moment-- and then there is pressure against the lace, a thumb slipping within, and Vaeri breathes a soft sigh.]
Hah... r-really? You are... more patient than you give yourself credit for. [It's hard to keep her tone even with Alisaie dipping so close to where she wants to be touched the most. She presses a soft, feathery kiss to the corner of the other's mouth. And she strokes a cute pointed ear again, taking special care to caress the edges with a pink nail; her other hand slides down Alisaie's neck, to her collarbone, and finally begins to learn the shape of her breast with fingertips and light nails around her nips.]
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her head is spinning.
but she falters only for a moment. exhaling a rattling breath, alisaie dips her head to touch his brow to vaeri's, her eyes falling closed and her heart in her throat. her hand moves carefully, but with purpose, feeling her shape, dipping against her. gods, she is slick as sin already, impossibly hot to the touch, warm and silken and wet. ]
You're perfect.
[ she murmurs, unable to manage anything else - she's too distracted, too caught up, consumed, but mostly keen to make her happy, to give her pleasure. after a few seconds of orienting herself, her fingertips drag gently, softly against the bud of her clit, tracing it, rolling against it, seeking those needy, desperate sounds. ]
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She smiles against Alisaie's cheek and moves her head just enough to kiss the corner of her mouth, her own breath somewhat hesitant as she feels the fingertips learning her shape.]
You are so very sweet...
[She isn't perfect, not at all, not even close. She's a disaster, she was trying to leave alone earlier, she... But Alisaie forgives her all (maybe), and she can't pull away and doesn't want to. If this is part of the fate that has been decided on, then she'll rise to meet it and live and love as much as she can before the reaper comes.
At last, long last, Alisaie tentatively begins to explore and Vaeri is aware of two things: one, that she wants much more than just touching all of a sudden, and two, that she hasn't kissed Alisaie nearly enough. She cries out softly, witheringly, and presses her hips into that hand with eagerness. She isn't sure she can manage a kiss so she murmurs her sweet nothings against strawberry lips.]
A—Alisaie, ohhh, please...
[She sucks in a breath and shivers. Right, she has hands. She draws her nails up and down the Elezen's spine lightly, not wanting to truly hurt her, while continuing to stroke her ear with the other. Judging by the wriggling, Vaeri likes pressure around the rose more than directly against the nerve. Friction. Friction is good.]
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with her nerves burned away, her fear banished in the moment, in the aching pain and desire and desperation, alisaie has nothing left to fear. nothing to hold her back. alisaie has never quite commanded dominance over words and speech like the rest of her family and friends, but in its place she is fluent in another language - the physical, touch and taste and sound and movement. her body is a well oiled machine that she works to hone further every day, and it speaks well with other bodies, it knows the dance, how to move in space, how to interact with another. alisaie can read body language as easily as words on a page, and vaeri tells her everything she needs to know with the way she wriggles and shifts, with the way her breath lilts and her hands grip. it is a game of hot and cold to find what she likes, to discover what is only lukewarm, and what drives her wild.
it's easy. vaeri is an open book.
so it is not long before alisaie's fingers are moving with self assured confidence, learning every curve and dip and gods she's so wet, so slippery, everything yielding so sweetly beneath her touch. alisaie is no better, the ache between her thighs is maddening, and it isn't long before she's astride vaeri's thigh, grinding hard to find the friction she matches with her touch, the thin cotton of her damp smallclothes feels an impossible barrier, frustrating and cumbersome.
but right now, this is about vaeri, and the rock of her hips sates her for the moment. after too many long minutes spent teasing, tracing, learning, at last her slim fingers dip carefully, gently in - slowly, restrained. vaeri has told her in so many words that she has never been touched before, and while she might very well have spent plenty of time learning herself in the past (gods, alisaie must banish that thought, for fear she finishes here and now), she must operate on the assumption that she hasn't and treat her body delicately. she's slick as sin and the way is easy, but nevertheless, the last thing she wants is to hurt her. alisaie's voice is rough, husky, but she manages to find her words. ]
Tell me if I hurt you.
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Tomorrow, Vaeri may be staring down her death. The world could tumble into calamity, the Ascians could win-- hell, the world could end completely unprophesied, like whatever made the original Ascians so desperate to summon their god. But right here, right now, this is all that matters to Vaeri: the tempo of Alisaie's breaths, her damp apex slipping over her thigh, and gorgeous blue eyes framed by silvery waves. It's perfect and gentle and accidental in the way life is and-- gods, she promised not to leave Alisaie alone, she can't do so now.
This moment is perfect, and she would do a lot to make it last forever.
She lets out a soft, shaky breath and tilts her head back slightly as Alisaie explores the depth of her heat so tentatively. She wants more and tilts her hips into it; as the Elezen dips in deeper, Vaeri clutches about those fingers and keens. She draws her fingers thickly through Alisaie's waves, root to tip, until she winds her fingers in and grips a bit more convincingly-- as if to say don't you stop.
It's not something she's used to, but her instinct is to want to ride the hell out of whatever her lover has to offer. She has certainly read a few things in her time to know how this goes. Vaeri wants to lose herself in everything Alisaie until she forgets her own name, until Alisaie falls with her too.]
I am not sure you can, [Vaeri breathes shakily.] Everything feels good with you-- e-even the things that should hurt.