adelphoi | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ being in insomnia again is.. strange. the city is the same as she had remembered, and yet so different, so strange after so many long years in tenebrae. this city seems so enormous and sprawling, sharp and stark in comparison, bright and chrome and full of people. though she remembers her time here, her earliest years, she was still quite young when her parents swept she and her brother back to the motherland, and those tender years of growth had been spent in a city very different, a home that she had grown used to, settled into.

and now they are here again, political tensions spurring her father to emigrate here, to lucis again. the empire has been still and quiet, and there have even been talks of treatise, but alisaie trusts her father's judgment, for all his political involvement. more than national pride, he hopes for his family to be safe and secure, and short of living in the bush, insomnia had seemed to him the ideal location. with the wall so strong, such a city must be impenetrable, yes?

alisaie does not know the details of it all, her father would disclose only so much - she and her brother were to focus solely on their studies, bettering themselves, and not to worry about such things outside of their control. lucis might not be a large nation, but insomnia is safe, and secure. it suits their needs just fine.

still, settling in, for alisaie, is not necessarily easy. unlike the rest of her family, smooth-talkers with political savvy, she has a hard enough time simply getting along with her own peers. her friends in tenebrae had been few and distant, their relationships thin and civil but little more. to have to start over again is.. a nightmare. but she is not here to make friends, she is here to finish her schooling, to graduate and prepare for university and beyond. there's nothing to be afraid of.

yet her knuckles are white around the books clutched to her chest as she climbs the stairs that first day, eyes forward, chin high, and it takes less than a week's time for her to earn a reputation as a haughty, conceited little snob, the little rich girl sort who is far too good to waste her time with those she deems beneath her - everyone, apparently. this is not entirely the case of course, but it suits alisaie's needs just fine. let them think what they want, so long as it affords her a wide berth and quiet time to herself, without the terrifying distraction of working her way into, and maintaining her place within, a social circle.

the weekend seems to take an eon to arrive, but friday is here at last. alisaie sits outside at a table on campus, alone, peeling the crusts distractedly from her sandwich, her advanced chemistry textbook open in front of her. three afternoon classes, and this horrible week will be over.. ]

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Why?

[ it's beginning to grate on her, his whinging, those crocodile tears. if he thinks he can win her over with them again he is sorely mistaken. she'd been sharp and stubborn even in their youth, with the fall of civilization she has only become moreso, and along the way she's lost what little ability to be comfortably social that she ever had.

she has her brother. he is all she needs. there is no reason to want for more. ]

Why should you have looked for me? I did not look for you. You had no obligation to me.

Of course I do, I have every obligation to you, after I...I...

[ After he broke her heart. After he said such unforgivable things to her.

He stirs at last, but only so he can move to sit closer to the fire and warm his extremities. The nights get so cold, and the fire is warm and inviting, no matter how much his heart might be railing right now. He glances over at her between every movement, watching her through clumped eyelashes, fearing that if he looks away for too long, she might vanish again, gone from his life without a trace, just as quickly as she had reentered it.

Gods, she clearly hates him, and she has every reason to. But how can he leave her side now that he knows she's alive once again?

After a long moment of his throat working wordlessly, he finds his voice once again. ]

...How did you escape the crown city?

[ her gaze cuts toward him, hard and sharp, but thankfully for his own sake he does not follow up on that thought. it's still bewildering to her, why he is putting on this act, what he could want from her to be trying so hard to worm his way back into her good graces. the prince's entourage are not very popular, everyone knows that, so mayhaps he's simply trying to gather allies where and when he can.

no matter. it's hardly worth dwelling over. she has no intention to do any more for him than see him safely to hammerhead once they've gotten some rest. ]

It was not easy.

[ she shrugs, while cracking open a cold can of white beans. ]

My brother and I stole through the city during the chaos, and made our way through an old, unused gate near the north end of the wall.

[ The corners of his swollen eyes grow tense as she explains, his expression growing bleak. Just her and her brother? Then did that mean...their parents hadn't made it out? Just the two of them, alone, forced away from everything that they knew? Even for one as tenacious and strong-willed as Alisaie, that must have been unspeakably difficult. He isn't surprised in the least that she conquered it and is now out here, an accomplished hunter. Of course she is. But gods, to have gone through the fall of Insomnia firsthand... ]

It must have been...horrible. I...don't even know what I would have done if I were there.

[ Died, he's sure of it. There's no way he would have been resourceful enough to get out on his own. By sending him off with Noctis, King Regis had saved his life, in more way than one.

He falls silent a moment, the crack of the fire filling the air, his hands and knees fidgeting. He's never been at ease socially, even less so after their little quartet - then trio - had broken up. What does he say? Apologizing out the gate doesn't feel...right. He doesn't want to come off as insincere - or, at least, and more or less insincere than he already must sound to her. But at the same time, he's dying to explain himself, to throw himself at her feet, and apologize, over and over again, until he's blue in the face.

But they're both tired and emotions are running high. Gods, he's barely come to terms with the fact that she is alive at all. He needs to...take care with this.

He sighs quietly. ]

And...after?

[ it's a wise choice, alisaie would not take particularly well to an apology right now, nor would she believe it. though she'd known he'd been alive, she was in no way prepared to ever see him again, most especially under conditions like this - in close quarters, sharing space, alone. it's sudden. powerful. she will no be so receptive to his claims as he might hope. ]

We picked our way toward Hammerhead.

[ and from there, onward. cindy and hammerhead's denizens had been more than happy to help them on their feet, to teach them the ropes and lend them a trailer for cheap. survival had been trial by fire, but alisaie had enough skill with a blade and magic to be able to take on smaller, less dangerous hunts. from there, they had moved on. outpost to outpost. building their skills. ]

Why?

[ what does it matter, how she spent her time? ]

[ He isn't expecting that question, though it's only fair. Why would she think him at all interested in what she'd been up to since their last meeting, when he'd appeared to only have used her? As if he'd never had any real interest in her?

But...explaining why is not easy, either. He can't come right out and tell her he's still in love with her, that he was always in love with her and will always be in love with her, now, can he? ]

I-I just...wanted to fill in the blanks.

[ He still thinks about her so much. He wants to know how she got to this point. ]

I'm...glad you made it.

[ She has no idea how glad. Even if she hates him, knowing she still lives feels like a rebirth. ]

[ she truly doesn't. he had made no attempt to rekindle their friendship after he'd tossed her away, made no attempt to find her or even ask after her when the crown city fell, what reason could he possibly have to be glad that she lives? barring his own self-interest, at least.

but she is making herself perfectly clear, at least, this moment. she saved his hide, and she would do it again, because there are few enough people who can take on the daemons as it is, and it is not for her to cast judgment on whether or not he is worthy to live, but that is the extent of her loyalty. she will see him safely back to town, and once more they will be on their own, as they have been since the crown city fell.

the sooner the better. her heart aches just looking at him. hearing his voice. ]

There were many who did not.

[ most did not. ]

...I know. My...my parents, too.

[ And though he had never been close to them, it still hurts. It all hurts. It's only the brazen hope for a brighter future that has carried him on, especially since Noctis disappeared into the crystal. ]

We've all...lost a lot.

[ No one has escaped this calamity unscathed. No one.

At last, he lifts his eyes to her, his gaze heavy and pained. ]

I...I'm sorry. We...we set out to save the world, and...we didn't. Or...at least, we didn't get to do it the way we wanted to.

[ There's still a chance. That Noctis will return at ten year's time, and banish the Starscourge for once and for all. But that's so far away still, and he...can't blame them. He can't blame any of them, for not believing in them, for cursing their names as failures. ]

[ it's not so surprising that he had lost his parents. only a handful of people were able to make it out of the city, and the imperials were ruthless in gunning down soldiers and civilians alike. the only reason she and alphinaud were able to make it out alive was their critical thinking skills, combat prowess, and honestly, a great deal of luck. there are a few other stragglers who made it beyond the wall before they tightened the noose, but not many. prompto's parents surely had no chance at all.

but she shakes her head, tapping her fork idly to the tin in her hand. ]

The world is still here, is it not? You cannot save what is not yet lost.

[ whether or not noctis and company failed.. is not her place to judge. alisaie's issues with prompto are completely and entirely personal, and nothing to do with the state of the world. though he had been terrible to her, she still does not doubt that he and the others did all they could to push back the darkness.

but it is not over. so long as she draws breath, she will fight. ]

[ Her words stir his heart and grasp him at his core, grounding him and alleviating him all in one blow. If nothing else...at least she does not hold the accountable for failing the world. He deserves her ridicule for so many reasons, and yet she doesn't take him down with accusations about their efforts, the ones he's heard over and over again, to the point where he's started to think they might deserve them.

Impossibly, the ghost of a smile ascends his lips, something in his expression softening. ]

...Yeah. Yeah, you're right. That's why we're still fighting. To put an end to this, once and for all.

[ Would that they could do it together, side by side with her, but that ship has long since sailed.

And then, the emotion in his heart too much for him too contain once again, he begins to weep, covering his hands with his face, sucking in deep, hiccuping breaths.

She's alive. She's alive. ]

[ he's off again, breaking into sobs and where once she might have rushed to his side and held him near, now he rolls her eyes and hisses through her teeth. it would be so nice, so simple to be able to believe him, to trust those tears, and his pain, but all she can see in her mind's eye is the flinty expression he wore when he said he was done with her. that he had gotten all he wanted. alisaie is not quick to trust, and for all she had given him she had been burned for it - that is on her. she allowed him too close, she gave him all of herself without thinking, naive and blind. she takes responsibility for that.

but she will not be taken in again. now, especially, when the world is dark and people are desperate to cling on to what little they have, she can trust very, very few. cindy, the folks at hammerhead, they helped her when she had nothing to give in return, when they had nothing to gain - besides her brother, they are the only people she can even begin to trust.

prompto is among the last. ]

Oh, enough.

[ she snaps, rising to her feet and snagging a dry heel of bread on her way toward him, which she jams right into his mouth, after smacking his hands aside. ]

Eat, and calm yourself.

[ Suffice it to say he is hardly expecting her to swat his hands away and shove food into his mouth, and as she does so, he looks up at her with wide, dismayed eyes, his tearstained cheeks gleaming in the firelight.

Well. Her orders are straightforward enough, and so he doesn't protest, chewing the bread slowly as he calms, staring into the fire when he doesn't dare to follow her with his eyes.

He eats the rest of the crust in silence. He won't speak again until she prompts him to. For as emotional as this is for him, he doesn't want to upset her further, and gods, what scum she must think him. Does she think his tears are just for show, too? A ploy to earn her sympathy?

Is there truly no way to fix this, to mend what was once between them, even a little?

But that isn't what's important. She's alive. And...that is more than enough for now. ]

Edited 2018-10-01 06:25 (UTC)

[ it's.. difficult to look into his eyes, to see the tears on his cheeks and remember when last she looked into them so fondly. there had been a time when he had looked on her so tenderly, when his eyes shone with every smile. it was so long ago. years. she thought herself over him so long ago, but it is.. not so simple. she's moved on. but he is the only person she had ever given her heart to, the only one to whom she had bared her soul, and all her tender, delicate parts. remembering the pain of that betrayal is.. keening.

she turns away quickly enough, and he falls silent at last, alisaie finishing off her tin of beans while he chews into the hard bread.

he'll need more than that to keep his strength for the trip back, and so she opens another tin of white beans and drops a fork into it, then hands it over. ]

This next.

[ He's licking the crumbs off his finger when she hands him the can of beans, and his gaze darts up to her again, confused and grateful in the same turn. Why is she helping him like this? Why didn't she leave him immediately after discovering who he was? He doesn't deserve this kindness, even if she's been cold enough to make her opinion on him clear. ]

...Thank you.

[ He chews a mouthful of beans for a moment, before he can't help but ask: ]

Why...are you helping me? I...I'm probably one of the last people you want to help right now.

Would you rather I left you to die here?

[ this area is teeming with particularly nasty daemons, and he hadn't been able to fell a powerful giant on his own. he's lasted this long on his own, but with no magic (or tank) to take the heat off of him, what chance might he stand? surely he might be fine, but he may just as easily not be, and if they are both here, there is no reason not to combine their efforts for the sake of survival.

she can put her personal feelings aside for that. ]

I do not like you. I remember what you did. But that is irrelevant when we are in the dark wilds.

[ Even if her words are not surprising, to hear them spoken makes him flinch, and he catches his bottom lip hard between his teeth. Well...at least she's acknowledged the elephant in the room, leaving no guesswork as to how she feels about him. Still, it isn't easy to hear, after she once...

She'd once said she loved him.

He knows he'll never have that chance again, and anyway...relationships are difficult to sustain in a world like this. Even ones with friends. When was the last time he saw his brothers...? Weeks? Months?

His head bows low, as he rubs at his eyes. ]

...Right.

[ He goes on eating his beans in silence. ]

[ she eats quietly as well, following up her beans with a few strips of dried meat, one of which she hands off to him as well, her eyes fixed on the fire.

this shouldn't bother her so much. she shouldn't be so wound up. it's not as if she didn't know he was around, didn't already consider the idea that he might wander back into her life someday. not to mention, high school was.. high school. it was a long time ago. another life. she'd been dumped, her heart broken, but so has nearly every other young girl - there's no reason to still be tied up about it, to even care about it at all.

she'd loved him. she'd not loved anyone before, or since. somehow, his smile, his warm eyes, still haunts her dreams. it's stupid. she feels foolish for it.

eventually, alisaie dusts off her hands. ]

You should get some rest. Hammerhead is a decent ride from here, still.

[ He says nothing else until she speaks again, focusing instead on his meal and quelling the storm in his heart. There are a million words on the tip of his tongue, but he holds them back, holds them inside. It...won't help now. It's too late. Right now, he just wants to sit in her presence, and appreciate something as simple as that for as long as he can.

Come the morning, they will head to Hammerhead, and then...they'll part ways again. That will be that. She'll walk out of his life again, perhaps forever this time.

He finishes his last bit of meat, before he nods, reading for his pack to pull out a bedroll to unroll at the fire's side, and an extra-bright lantern to set at the campsite's edge. Daemons usually leave such sites alone, but there's no harm in being extra cautious in times like these. Especially after he messed up once today. ]

You, too. [ A sigh slips from him, far wearier than he would like it to be. ] ...Good night, Alisaie.

[ he lies down, falls silent, and alisaie is left staring at the fire for several long minutes after.

she should rest, too. she's no less exhausted than he is, and they both need to travel tomorrow, but she hesitates, restless, but there's no reason to linger. she stands, retires to her tent, and tries to sleep.

it doesn't come easily. in fact, it doesn't come at all. alisaie turns in her bedroll, watching the canvas ceiling of her tent, watching the fire through the slit of the tent flap, watching her hands in the dimness when she turns on her side. it's stupid. this is stupid. it takes far too long for her to fall asleep.

the next night, it takes longer. the third, even longer still.

they should have reached hammerhead by now, but the weather has not cooperated. heavy rains and winds buffet them, flooding the roads and turning forest paths to sticking much. they move, but it's slow, and she would have thought that the more time spent with him the more comfortable they would become, but that is not the case. tension builds. they no longer have common ground or interest, they do not lock together as they once did, every conversation is strained, every glance fleeting. gods, it feels as if this short trip is taking forever..

she can hear it when the rain begins again, the patter of drops on the canvas roof of her tent, and she can feel the sweep of chilly air curling through the door flap. he'll be soaked to the bone out there in moments, under the bare sky in his bedroll.

that is not the only reason alisaie leaves her tent, but it is the reason she gives herself. seizing his wrist roughly, she gives a sharp tug. ]

Up. 'Tis raining.

[ For his part, he has slept no better these past few nights. He's restless at the best of times when he's sleeping under the stars, but in her company especially...his thoughts and heart are scattered. They don't say much, and he still doesn't offer up the explanations he so desperately wants to. It hasn't felt...right yet, and he doesn't want to push her away through any method to reconnect. What if he only hurts her again? What if he pushes her further away by trying to mend what's between them?

...He knows it very well may be hopeless. There is naught to salvage between them, he tells himself. Their relationship was broken so long ago, by him. He ruined everything for reasons that no longer hold any weight, and he won't make a dead man out to be the bad guy. Whatever her father may have done in life, Prompto will respect the dead, and so he remains uncharacteristically quiet, sitting on his hands literally and figuratively, trying to maintain what status quo they have managed to find.

But if there's nothing to salvage between them, why is this so difficult? Why can't he just...accept that?

He has only begun to doze by the time the rain begins again, and before he knows it, Alisaie is at his side, tugging at his arm, telling him the obvious truth, and yet it leaves him confused, stunned, his skin tingling where she tugs on him.

Blindly, he obeys, staggering to his feet, even as his brow pulls taut. ]

I-I have a tarp I can put up. I'll manage. Thank you.

[ It's likely raining hard enough that his tarp will be of no real help, but she went through the trouble to wake him...what else can he do? ]

[ he's used the tarp already, both nights past, but still she.. felt the need to wake him instead when she hadn't before.

if she's going to do this, she won't turn back. ]

No.

[ she offers no other explanation, only tugging harder, urging him to his feet and toward.. toward her own tent, only a few fulms away. there's no need to bother with the tarp. the winds and rains will be too strong, and by the time he is able to get it set up properly he'll be soaked to the bone nonetheless.

that's reason enough. isn't it? ]

[ He's still perplexed, for a moment longer than he should be, when she begins to tug him back towards her tent. Wait...she's taking him to her tent? This is a kindness she hasn't offered him any of the nights previous. Did that mean...she's willing to let him in again?

...No, that's probably not it. More likely, she doesn't want to be saddled with his sorry as if he catches pneumonia sleeping out in the rain. But there's still something about this that he can't put his finger on. The tent is big enough for two people, but it would not leave a lot of room between them. Will she really let him into her personal space just for his own wellbeing and comfort? ]

You don't have to do this.

[ He insists, though he still follows her to the tent, his heart pounding hard and fast. Why...is he so nervous? They've been far closer than sleeping side by side in a tent.

But there's more to it than that. There's so much more to it than that. ]

[ thankfully she does not need to argue it further, he follows her lead, and once he's climbed inside she's quick to tie the flap shut again to keep out as much of the wind as possible, though it still tugs hard at the canvas, the sound of rain deafening, both of them half-soaked already from only a few minutes in the open air.

there's no time to think about it. she does not even bother to answer him.

instead she turns on him, only able to discern the barest detail of his face, which makes it that much easier to surge forward, pressing her mouth over his, hot and forceful, both hands pressing him back onto her warm bedroll. ]

[ ...Whatever he was expecting when she ties the tent flap shut, it isn't...this. Yes, perhaps in his late night thoughts, after learning she was alive he might have thought...how nice it would be to kiss her again, to hold her near and touch her, but such fantasies were so far beyond his reach that he hadn't given them any real due. She barely speaks to him, only says what she must to keep their journey on track. No matter how much their looks might have crackled with heat and the tension grown taut between them, he hadn't expected she...after everything...

But there is no mistaking this. Her mouth finds his with pressure and heat, and thoughtlessly, his lips part against hers, a deeply wounded sound rolling up from his chest, blood pounding hot against his ears as the feel of her lips stirs memories buried so deep within his heart that it aches to unearth them. She presses him back, straddling his waist, and his arms wind tight around her, fingers sinking into her hair, his head spinning with memory and desire and heartache. ]

Ali...

[ Her name, her nickname shivers from him with a trembling breath, spoken against her lips, tears springing to his eyes. How many times has he thought about this? Her kiss, her touch? How fiercely has he missed this, being wanted by someone in this way? ]

[ she straddles him easily, sinking down against his body, her hands bracketing his face, holding fast while her heart leaps up into her throat, pounding hard, the sound of it in her ears nearly drowning out the cacophonous rain and rumbling thunder. ]

Shutup.

[ the word rasps against his mouth, but she does not stop, her teeth raking his lower lip, her tongue curling into his mouth, her hands dropping to press beneath his shirt, rucking it up around her wrists. there's nothing gentle about her touch, nothing sweet about her kiss, there is only ferocity and need and a deep-seated.. something. rage? frustration? loneliness? all of these things rolled up together into a feeling that twists her heart up tight, making it so easy to ignore the ache left behind by how much she has missed this.

but of course, she can hardly trust him. this does not have to mean anything. they're both frustrated and needy, it's been a long time since she was touched, that's as far as this need go, as much meaning as she need apply to it. ]