That's enough time, right? It's about as long as Prompto has been able to stand, anyway, since his little birthday celebration with Alisaie, the chocobo cake, and...their kiss. So much happened in such a short amount of time, and even if all it took was that one little kiss that they've been teasing at for months now, it's completely flipped his world on its head. Because no matter how he tries to slice it, Alisaie had kissed him back. She'd leaned in, she'd held on, and he has no doubt in his mind that if it was truly unwelcome, she would have probably kicked his ass for even trying. No, much as he can't understand why, she...wanted him to kiss her.
Which begs the question...where do they go from here?
Of course, he knows immediately where he wants it to go. Taking her out on dates, holding her hand, cuddling...kissing...even calling her his girlfriend. That they're of two different worlds doesn't even enter his equation, because to him, it's irrelevant. They're already friends who have grown to care for each other, and with a chance like this coming along, there's no way he can't go for it. He...really likes her a lot, and if there's a chance she might actually have feelings for him in return...
He's got to try. He's got a good feeling about this. Besides, he's far too anxious to just sit around and wait for her to make a move, anyway. He fell asleep thinking of her, and woke up thinking of her. He won't make it another day like this, without making at least some sense of this thing that has blossomed so easily between them.
So sometime in the later morning, Prompto makes his way to her room in the temple, and rasps sharply on the door. It won't be like the snow day where he just...pretends like such an intensely charged thing didn't happen between them. This time, his purpose is clear, and it's what's brought him to her door. ]
[ for her part, alisaie's experience has not been so dissimilar. she, too, thought of him last before she fell asleep, and first when she rose. he has been on her mind incessantly, and as he yearns to seek her out so too does she itch to see him again.
though for all of those similarities, that is where it ends.
her stomach is in knots. she should have brought it up yesterday, she should have made her thoughts and heart clear to him, but.. he had been so happy. it was his nameday, his special day, and she wanted nothing more for him than to see him smile and enjoy himself. in the long run it was probably cruel to wait, to use the excuse that he did not ask for anything more of her to allow herself to rationalize that it was not the right time. that it would have been too terrible to hurt him on a day like that, to crack his genuine smile right down the middle, but was only an excuse. she's afraid. afraid to lose him, afraid to hurt him.
she never should have allowed him to kiss her. she never should have returned his kiss. she never should have been so weak.
it's no surprise when he shows up at her door, though she had been hoping he might not, hoping that mayhaps, miraculously, he might forget that they kissed at all, or think nothing more of it - but of course that could never have happened. she knows him well enough by now to be able to guess exactly where his mind is, where his thoughts are taking him, and the bright look on his face when she opens the door is more than enough to affirm it.
she smiles, because she always smiles when she sees him, it isn't something she can help, even if it does not entirely reach her eyes. leaning in the doorway, alisaie chews her lip. ]
[ Though usually so quick to perceive the emotional state of others, Prompto is too thrilled by the very sight of her that he doesn't quite notice the way her smile doesn't reach her eyes. If anything, he attributes it to nerves, because he's nervous, too. This is completely new territory for them both. He's never had the guts to ask someone out before, and even if they've already kissed, that doesn't really make things easier. Not when this conversation could completely change the course of their relationship.
Still, he isn't turning back. A little breathlessly: ]
Mornin', Ali! You, uh...you busy right now?
[ This could...take some time, after all, though perhaps it would be better if he just got right to it, for both their sakes. ]
[ her heart clutches, all of her nerves seizing up - yes, she would like to say. she's busy. she has no time to speak. but that is a lie. tempting as it is to close the door and run away from the inevitable conversation to come, she knows she cannot. he.. he deserves her honesty, and turning him away because she is afraid would do him a disservice.
this has been a long time coming. she cannot escape it.
and so she slips a little further out the door and toward him. ]
No, I'm not busy.
[ her heart squeezes painfully, nervously. he looks so happy.. ]
[ The answer he was hoping to hear, of course, but one that sends his heart racing, too. If she had been busy, they could have put this off until later, but now...there's nothing keeping him from doing this. From what he's wanted to do for...months, now, since he'd first recognized his feelings for her. ]
Um...you wanna...go for a walk?
[ Better they keep moving, lest he burn holes in his heels trying to hold still through this. He's excited, hopeful he will get the answer he wants to hear, but still...
[ a walk sounds agreeable enough, any sort of distraction is something she will gladly seize, and an excuse to keep her eyes forward and not on him. at least for now.
she's already dressed, so alisaie dips her head in a nod and steps out of her room, closing the door behind her. it's difficult not to let her feelings show on her face, like prompto she's always had difficulty in holding her heart in, but like as not her tremulous smile only reads as nervous. ]
[ Well, here they go. He exchanges her nervous smile with one of his own, and as they step outside, Prompto reaches for her hand, tremulously taking it in his own. ]
W-we shall!
[ He says through a breathless laugh as they start to walk. It's time. Still, it is not an easy thing to approach, and he has no experience to guide him. Just the raw feelings in his heart, pure and fond, that long for her company, that rejoice in her smile and laugh, that buzzed felicitously when they had kissed. ]
S-so, um...yesterday. I, uh, I had a great time hanging out with, Ali. Even had some leftover cake for breakfast! Heh...I always have a great time with you.
[ Even when she's sticking her marshmallowy hands in his hair or scaring him off of a wall and giving him a concussion. There's never a dull moment when they're together. ]
[ his hand slips into hers, and it's like a crack in her heart, but she does not pull away. like as not this is the last time she will feel it, and given that she knows already where this conversation is going, it is an indulgence she can allow for these few short moments before she.. inevitably destroys everything.
he doesn't deserve it. he deserves someone who can make him happy, always. someone he won't have to lose in a few short months. gods, but she has so many regrets.
carefully, she squeezes his hand with her own, though her eyes remain forward, following the path ahead of them. ]
So do I.
[ it's an easy answer, there's no lie in it - from the first moment they met she has enjoyed spending time with him, getting to know him, learning all about eos, and his friends, comparing the similarities and differences between their worlds, sharing food, swimming, adventuring.. every second she has known him has been a blessing. ]
[ So do I, she says, and his heart soars as she squeezes his hand. Could he...really have a shot with her? He wants to — gods, he wants to. But it feels too soon to say for certain either way, even if so far, she's given him no sign to discourage him from heading further down this path.
So he goes on, his tone a touch less nervous, and somehow even warmer. ]
Even that time I had to save you from drowning?
[ He says through a laugh, his fingers flexing in hers. ]
Heh...we've had some pretty amazing times together. You've...been a friend to me ever since we first arrived, and...well, you know better than just about anyone how much it means to me, to have someone I can count on like you. I-I guess it's no big surprise that I...I mean, how I...
[ He swallows thickly, his cheeks burning hot, his nerve wavering. But he forces himself to keep talking, no matter how it might seem like he might choke on every word he manages to speak. ]
Wh-what I mean to say is, I... [ He stops walking then, turning to face her fully, his eyes wide with something between fondness and panic. Funny, how this topic so often makes him straddle that line.
He just has to spit it out. It isn't going to be elegant or pretty, but—
Clenching his teeth, a little distressed nose slips out of him, but he presses on. ]
I-I-I — I really like you, Alisaie! I mean, like-like! I-is that a thing on Hydaelyn, too? Never mind, it's just, I — I'm so glad we're friends, b-but, I w-wanna — I wanna bemorethanthat, I didn't think y-you'd ever — b-but then, we — we kissed, and I haven't stopped thinking about you since, and wondering, if maybe, I dunno, stop me i-if this sounds crazy or stupid, I-I've never d-done this, just —
[ He takes a deep breath, his face on fire, his grip on her hand painfully tight. Sorry, Alisaie. ]
[ in a way, despite how sudden and forceful it all is, she's glad that he's simply gotten it out of the way quickly, that he hasn't danced around but instead gotten right to the point, and for as distracted as she is by her own idiocy, still she is.. proud of him. proud of how far he's come, of the courage it took him to say all of this, the courage it took to kiss her in the first place.
she can only pray that he will understand. that he is strong enough not to take what she needs to say to heart, and understand in in the way that she needs him to, though honestly, the look on his face, the warmth of his hand in hers, the fondness in his eyes.. it's enough to make her second guess her decisions. there's nothing she would like more than to be closer with him, to hold his hand every day, to.. to kiss him all the time. why is she pushing that away? why is she turning him down?
because it is the right thing to do. in the end, this will hurt far less than the inevitable separation ahead of them. ]
P-Prompto..
[ she starts, then swallows thickly, using his hand to tug him toward a patch of grass nearby, where they both can sit. she needs to look into his face, into his eyes, though still it takes her several seconds more to find the courage to answer. ]
I.. I cannot.
[ there was the hardest part. starting. saying no. her eyelids flicker, hot tears flooding her eyes, but she sucks in a sharp breath and blinks rapidly to keep them at bay. ]
Please understand. There is nothing I want more than to.. than to be with you. You make me smile, you lift me when I am hurting, and being around you is.. [ a breathless exhale. ] .. wonderful. I have never known anyone like you, and you are more dear to me than I can even put into words. But..
[ but. ]
We are.. we are from two different lives. Two different worlds. Someday, mayhaps even someday soon, one or both of us will be pulled away, and I cannot bear the thought of.. of..
[ From the moment she says his name, he knows what her answer will be. He can hear it in her tone of voice, he can see it in her eyes. He can feel it in the way she pulls him towards the little gross knoll to sit, though sitting is about the last thing he wants to do right now. A icy cold lances through him from head to toe as she tugs him down, and part of him wonders if he shouldn't just...bolt out of here right now. That would be for the best, wouldn't it? If he could just run away and bury himself underground and never see anyone else ever again. He has ruined...everything. Just like he knew he would. He never should have done this. He never should have kissed her, or held her hand, or — or thought this could have been anything other than a silly, one-sided crush. That's how it always is. It's just like he told Connor. Always a bridesmaid.
But what was said back then in half-jest is now all too real. Prompto had said he didn't want to risk their friendship for this, that there was no way she could choose him, and what do you know? He was right. But he'd been so hopeful, and he'd really thought, after everything that had happened...
I cannot.
He hears her explanation. Processes it, even, to a degree. There is sense in it, to be sure. She even says...she wants to be with him. She says such wonderfully kind things about him, and yet each compliment hurts worst than the last, a cold fist railing against his heart, beating it until it shatters. They someday may be torn apart by the whim that guides this place, it's true, but that's the case with all their relationships. Their friendship, too. In the end, that bears little weight on his mind. For all they could stand to lose, it would be worth it to have a chance at something so, so special.
But she doesn't agree, and that's that. It's...fine. Deep down, he expected this. Of course he did. He'd been stupid to think even for a moment that she might say yes.
But even so, it's absolutely devastating. He has never put his heart on the line like this before, and it is as unexposed and vulnerable as ever. His expression crumples, flickering away from the tears rimming her eyes, hiding his face from her as best he can so she won't see raw pain etched so exquisitely into it. She doesn't need to think this is her fault. She doesn't need to think she owes him anymore of an explanation. She could have left him with a simple "no", and he would have accepted it. Anything more only makes things...more painful, because even if she's thought about it, too, after doing so he answer is still the same.
This is stupid. Why did he ever think...?
He sucks in a deep, shuddering breath that rubs against a sob in his throat. Why can't he ever hold himself together? He must look so pathetic right now. He palms away the tears on his cheeks before taking her hands to squeeze them once more — and then drawing his own away. ]
N-no, it's okay. I-I...I understand. W-we'll — we'll just be friends, okay? That's...already more than I...
[ A little shake of his head as he squeezes his eyes shut. ]
Th-that's what's most important. Okay? I understand. [ He isn't enough. He's always understood that. ] U-um...I...look, Alisaie, I-I gotta go, I-I'm sorry — I need to go.
[ He can only keep himself from losing it in front of her for so long. He rises to go. ]
[ he says he understands, but he doesn't. exactly what she feared has come to pass, and she knows that it is.. her fault. she's led him on. she let him believe that they could be something more, and gods, in a perfect world, they would be - does he not understand that? does he think she does not want him? that she's lying to let him down kindly?
before she can even gather herself, he's trying to leave. ]
No - please --
[ her voice feels small and tight, she does not know how to repair this. she does not know if she can repair it. alisaie has made so many mistakes in her life, she is always too reckless, she never thinks enough, she is responsible for his pain. this is why it is so difficult to let people in, and prompto.. he is too good for her, too kind, too soft, and she breaks fragile things all too easily. ]
Please.. please understand.
[ her hands feel cold and empty now, and she reaches for his again, though she does not know if he will allow it, but even worse than all the rest is the idea that he will leave with his mind full of all the wrong thoughts, and that, too, will be her fault. ]
I care for you, I - I d-do, I've never felt..
[ she's never felt these feelings for anyone, and that is so difficult for her to admit aloud. her voice is thick, trembling, hot tears blurring her eyes. ]
[ Perhaps later, once he's had time to digest this, he will understand. What she's saying makes sense. It would be awfully painful to open themselves up to one another in such a way, only to be ripped apart the very next day, and he would never, ever want to hurt her, even in a way that is out of his control. If that means keeping their distance, then...that's what they should do. But right now, in the heat of the moment, her reasons fail to sink in. When it comes down to it, she's rejecting him, and that's that.
He lets her take his hands, but they feel cold and clammy in hers. Had it really been only yesterday that she had made him a cake and he had kissed her, and she had taken him on a chocobo ride? How could they have gone from that, to this? Utter bliss to utter heartbreak?
But then again, that's just kind of...his life. He thinks he has a good thing going, and then it's gone. ]
I-I know. [ Not as sorry as he is. ] Look, I...I just, I-I — need a little time. I-I'll...I'll see you soon. Okay?
[ He just...he can't be here anymore. He needs to let this torrent of emotion inside of him out, but he can't do it in front of her. Not now, not like this. ]
[ the last thing she wants is to let him go. he's hurting, and it's her fault, and that is weighing heavily on her - if he wants to cry, or yell, she wants to be there for him, she wants to push it into his mind that it is not his fault, that her feelings for him are the same he has for her, because it's going to scratch and pull and kick at her mind until she can force the point.
but she can't do that. she's hurt him enough, if he needs time, and space.. of course, she must give it.
her hands fall from his to fold in her lap, and she drops her stinging eyes away with a shallow nod. it's difficult to keep from bursting into tears, but alisaie has plenty of experience with putting up walls, shoving it all down into an angry little ball in her core. ]
[ It would be better for him to get it out, to weep on her shoulder rather than weep alone, but — he can't, he can't. He's already caused her too much trouble today, and every moment he spends with her only drives the tip of the blade further into his heart.
He needs to go. ]
U-um...s-see you.
[ And ultimately, he has nothing else to say. Nothing he can do to take back his words, to take it all back, to draw the last few minutes back into his heart and lock it down. But he can't undo what he's done, and they will feel the repercussions of this day for the rest of their time together. But who knows? Maybe she's right. Maybe he'll disappear tomorrow, and it will be like none of this ever happened.
He sure feels like disappearing right now.
So he does. Without another glance back at her, he turns to go and runs, out towards the lake, desperate to put as much distance between the two of them as possible.
He just...needs some time. But even if the sting of rejection fades, the wounds will remain. Time can't heal everything, least of all his foolish, bleeding heart. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
10/26 :)
That's enough time, right? It's about as long as Prompto has been able to stand, anyway, since his little birthday celebration with Alisaie, the chocobo cake, and...their kiss. So much happened in such a short amount of time, and even if all it took was that one little kiss that they've been teasing at for months now, it's completely flipped his world on its head. Because no matter how he tries to slice it, Alisaie had kissed him back. She'd leaned in, she'd held on, and he has no doubt in his mind that if it was truly unwelcome, she would have probably kicked his ass for even trying. No, much as he can't understand why, she...wanted him to kiss her.
Which begs the question...where do they go from here?
Of course, he knows immediately where he wants it to go. Taking her out on dates, holding her hand, cuddling...kissing...even calling her his girlfriend. That they're of two different worlds doesn't even enter his equation, because to him, it's irrelevant. They're already friends who have grown to care for each other, and with a chance like this coming along, there's no way he can't go for it. He...really likes her a lot, and if there's a chance she might actually have feelings for him in return...
He's got to try. He's got a good feeling about this. Besides, he's far too anxious to just sit around and wait for her to make a move, anyway. He fell asleep thinking of her, and woke up thinking of her. He won't make it another day like this, without making at least some sense of this thing that has blossomed so easily between them.
So sometime in the later morning, Prompto makes his way to her room in the temple, and rasps sharply on the door. It won't be like the snow day where he just...pretends like such an intensely charged thing didn't happen between them. This time, his purpose is clear, and it's what's brought him to her door. ]
no subject
though for all of those similarities, that is where it ends.
her stomach is in knots. she should have brought it up yesterday, she should have made her thoughts and heart clear to him, but.. he had been so happy. it was his nameday, his special day, and she wanted nothing more for him than to see him smile and enjoy himself. in the long run it was probably cruel to wait, to use the excuse that he did not ask for anything more of her to allow herself to rationalize that it was not the right time. that it would have been too terrible to hurt him on a day like that, to crack his genuine smile right down the middle, but was only an excuse. she's afraid. afraid to lose him, afraid to hurt him.
she never should have allowed him to kiss her. she never should have returned his kiss. she never should have been so weak.
it's no surprise when he shows up at her door, though she had been hoping he might not, hoping that mayhaps, miraculously, he might forget that they kissed at all, or think nothing more of it - but of course that could never have happened. she knows him well enough by now to be able to guess exactly where his mind is, where his thoughts are taking him, and the bright look on his face when she opens the door is more than enough to affirm it.
she smiles, because she always smiles when she sees him, it isn't something she can help, even if it does not entirely reach her eyes. leaning in the doorway, alisaie chews her lip. ]
Good morning, Prompto.
no subject
Still, he isn't turning back. A little breathlessly: ]
Mornin', Ali! You, uh...you busy right now?
[ This could...take some time, after all, though perhaps it would be better if he just got right to it, for both their sakes. ]
no subject
this has been a long time coming. she cannot escape it.
and so she slips a little further out the door and toward him. ]
No, I'm not busy.
[ her heart squeezes painfully, nervously. he looks so happy.. ]
What did you have in mind?
no subject
Um...you wanna...go for a walk?
[ Better they keep moving, lest he burn holes in his heels trying to hold still through this. He's excited, hopeful he will get the answer he wants to hear, but still...
He's nervous. So nervous. ]
no subject
she's already dressed, so alisaie dips her head in a nod and steps out of her room, closing the door behind her. it's difficult not to let her feelings show on her face, like prompto she's always had difficulty in holding her heart in, but like as not her tremulous smile only reads as nervous. ]
Shall we?
no subject
W-we shall!
[ He says through a breathless laugh as they start to walk. It's time. Still, it is not an easy thing to approach, and he has no experience to guide him. Just the raw feelings in his heart, pure and fond, that long for her company, that rejoice in her smile and laugh, that buzzed felicitously when they had kissed. ]
S-so, um...yesterday. I, uh, I had a great time hanging out with, Ali. Even had some leftover cake for breakfast! Heh...I always have a great time with you.
[ Even when she's sticking her marshmallowy hands in his hair or scaring him off of a wall and giving him a concussion. There's never a dull moment when they're together. ]
no subject
he doesn't deserve it. he deserves someone who can make him happy, always. someone he won't have to lose in a few short months. gods, but she has so many regrets.
carefully, she squeezes his hand with her own, though her eyes remain forward, following the path ahead of them. ]
So do I.
[ it's an easy answer, there's no lie in it - from the first moment they met she has enjoyed spending time with him, getting to know him, learning all about eos, and his friends, comparing the similarities and differences between their worlds, sharing food, swimming, adventuring.. every second she has known him has been a blessing. ]
no subject
So he goes on, his tone a touch less nervous, and somehow even warmer. ]
Even that time I had to save you from drowning?
[ He says through a laugh, his fingers flexing in hers. ]
Heh...we've had some pretty amazing times together. You've...been a friend to me ever since we first arrived, and...well, you know better than just about anyone how much it means to me, to have someone I can count on like you. I-I guess it's no big surprise that I...I mean, how I...
[ He swallows thickly, his cheeks burning hot, his nerve wavering. But he forces himself to keep talking, no matter how it might seem like he might choke on every word he manages to speak. ]
Wh-what I mean to say is, I... [ He stops walking then, turning to face her fully, his eyes wide with something between fondness and panic. Funny, how this topic so often makes him straddle that line.
He just has to spit it out. It isn't going to be elegant or pretty, but—
Clenching his teeth, a little distressed nose slips out of him, but he presses on. ]
I-I-I — I really like you, Alisaie! I mean, like-like! I-is that a thing on Hydaelyn, too? Never mind, it's just, I — I'm so glad we're friends, b-but, I w-wanna — I wanna bemorethanthat, I didn't think y-you'd ever — b-but then, we — we kissed, and I haven't stopped thinking about you since, and wondering, if maybe, I dunno, stop me i-if this sounds crazy or stupid, I-I've never d-done this, just —
[ He takes a deep breath, his face on fire, his grip on her hand painfully tight. Sorry, Alisaie. ]
What I'm tryin' to say is...you, me — d-date?
[ There, he's done it.
...He welcomes death. ]
no subject
she can only pray that he will understand. that he is strong enough not to take what she needs to say to heart, and understand in in the way that she needs him to, though honestly, the look on his face, the warmth of his hand in hers, the fondness in his eyes.. it's enough to make her second guess her decisions. there's nothing she would like more than to be closer with him, to hold his hand every day, to.. to kiss him all the time. why is she pushing that away? why is she turning him down?
because it is the right thing to do. in the end, this will hurt far less than the inevitable separation ahead of them. ]
P-Prompto..
[ she starts, then swallows thickly, using his hand to tug him toward a patch of grass nearby, where they both can sit. she needs to look into his face, into his eyes, though still it takes her several seconds more to find the courage to answer. ]
I.. I cannot.
[ there was the hardest part. starting. saying no. her eyelids flicker, hot tears flooding her eyes, but she sucks in a sharp breath and blinks rapidly to keep them at bay. ]
Please understand. There is nothing I want more than to.. than to be with you. You make me smile, you lift me when I am hurting, and being around you is.. [ a breathless exhale. ] .. wonderful. I have never known anyone like you, and you are more dear to me than I can even put into words. But..
[ but. ]
We are.. we are from two different lives. Two different worlds. Someday, mayhaps even someday soon, one or both of us will be pulled away, and I cannot bear the thought of.. of..
no subject
But what was said back then in half-jest is now all too real. Prompto had said he didn't want to risk their friendship for this, that there was no way she could choose him, and what do you know? He was right. But he'd been so hopeful, and he'd really thought, after everything that had happened...
I cannot.
He hears her explanation. Processes it, even, to a degree. There is sense in it, to be sure. She even says...she wants to be with him. She says such wonderfully kind things about him, and yet each compliment hurts worst than the last, a cold fist railing against his heart, beating it until it shatters. They someday may be torn apart by the whim that guides this place, it's true, but that's the case with all their relationships. Their friendship, too. In the end, that bears little weight on his mind. For all they could stand to lose, it would be worth it to have a chance at something so, so special.
But she doesn't agree, and that's that. It's...fine. Deep down, he expected this. Of course he did. He'd been stupid to think even for a moment that she might say yes.
But even so, it's absolutely devastating. He has never put his heart on the line like this before, and it is as unexposed and vulnerable as ever. His expression crumples, flickering away from the tears rimming her eyes, hiding his face from her as best he can so she won't see raw pain etched so exquisitely into it. She doesn't need to think this is her fault. She doesn't need to think she owes him anymore of an explanation. She could have left him with a simple "no", and he would have accepted it. Anything more only makes things...more painful, because even if she's thought about it, too, after doing so he answer is still the same.
This is stupid. Why did he ever think...?
He sucks in a deep, shuddering breath that rubs against a sob in his throat. Why can't he ever hold himself together? He must look so pathetic right now. He palms away the tears on his cheeks before taking her hands to squeeze them once more — and then drawing his own away. ]
N-no, it's okay. I-I...I understand. W-we'll — we'll just be friends, okay? That's...already more than I...
[ A little shake of his head as he squeezes his eyes shut. ]
Th-that's what's most important. Okay? I understand. [ He isn't enough. He's always understood that. ] U-um...I...look, Alisaie, I-I gotta go, I-I'm sorry — I need to go.
[ He can only keep himself from losing it in front of her for so long. He rises to go. ]
no subject
before she can even gather herself, he's trying to leave. ]
No - please --
[ her voice feels small and tight, she does not know how to repair this. she does not know if she can repair it. alisaie has made so many mistakes in her life, she is always too reckless, she never thinks enough, she is responsible for his pain. this is why it is so difficult to let people in, and prompto.. he is too good for her, too kind, too soft, and she breaks fragile things all too easily. ]
Please.. please understand.
[ her hands feel cold and empty now, and she reaches for his again, though she does not know if he will allow it, but even worse than all the rest is the idea that he will leave with his mind full of all the wrong thoughts, and that, too, will be her fault. ]
I care for you, I - I d-do, I've never felt..
[ she's never felt these feelings for anyone, and that is so difficult for her to admit aloud. her voice is thick, trembling, hot tears blurring her eyes. ]
I'm.. sorry.
no subject
He lets her take his hands, but they feel cold and clammy in hers. Had it really been only yesterday that she had made him a cake and he had kissed her, and she had taken him on a chocobo ride? How could they have gone from that, to this? Utter bliss to utter heartbreak?
But then again, that's just kind of...his life. He thinks he has a good thing going, and then it's gone. ]
I-I know. [ Not as sorry as he is. ] Look, I...I just, I-I — need a little time. I-I'll...I'll see you soon. Okay?
[ He just...he can't be here anymore. He needs to let this torrent of emotion inside of him out, but he can't do it in front of her. Not now, not like this. ]
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but she can't do that. she's hurt him enough, if he needs time, and space.. of course, she must give it.
her hands fall from his to fold in her lap, and she drops her stinging eyes away with a shallow nod. it's difficult to keep from bursting into tears, but alisaie has plenty of experience with putting up walls, shoving it all down into an angry little ball in her core. ]
All right.
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He needs to go. ]
U-um...s-see you.
[ And ultimately, he has nothing else to say. Nothing he can do to take back his words, to take it all back, to draw the last few minutes back into his heart and lock it down. But he can't undo what he's done, and they will feel the repercussions of this day for the rest of their time together. But who knows? Maybe she's right. Maybe he'll disappear tomorrow, and it will be like none of this ever happened.
He sure feels like disappearing right now.
So he does. Without another glance back at her, he turns to go and runs, out towards the lake, desperate to put as much distance between the two of them as possible.
He just...needs some time. But even if the sting of rejection fades, the wounds will remain. Time can't heal everything, least of all his foolish, bleeding heart. ]